The Russian Defense Ministry reported the capture of Constantinople! 🎉🎭

You may be laughing now, but do you know that Moscow’s rise began when, 500 years ago, the cunning Venetians sold the caliphs of the Golden Horde a schizophrenic idea—that they were now the supreme and sole rightful heirs of the New Rome (Constantinople), and with it, the Old Rome as well?

Here’s how it happened: In 1453, the walls of Constantinople fell to the Ottoman Empire, and Sultan Mehmed II declared himself the ruler of Rum. Along with that, he blocked all trade routes through the Black Sea, cutting off an extremely profitable artery that had brought Venice and Genoa astronomical revenues.

This event, to put it mildly, catastrophically disappointed Venetian merchants. They began searching for a sufficiently powerful ally who could liberate the straits from Ottoman rule and restore their business to its previous lucrative state.

At first, the Venetians tried negotiating with the Czar of the Golden Horde, but after talks stalled, they presented a far more enticing economic project. The clever monks who had fled to Venice after Byzantium’s fall proposed a new candidate for this grand revenge operation—Moscow.

At the time, Muscovy was poor, starving, but incredibly vain.

So, in the mid-15th century, when Moscow wasn’t even up to "a third shot" of vodka, let alone the "Third Rome," its ruler was offered a bride—a supposed heir to the last Byzantine emperor, who had fallen in battle against the Ottoman Turks.

Venice’s plan was genius:

• Send Sophia Palaiologina to Moscow—a bride without a dowry, but allegedly the rightful heir to the Byzantine throne.
  (Fun fact: The last Byzantine emperor actually had two sons, both of whom successfully sold off their imperial rights—one of them even did so twice!).
• Convince the Moscow prince that after marrying her, he would become the "legitimate heir of Byzantium" and that Constantinople was now rightfully his.
• Wait until the Muscovites’ minds were blown away by their newfound greatness.
• Subtly suggest to them: “Well, now that you’re the Emperor of the East, it’s time to fight the Turks and reclaim Czargrad-Constantinople for Moscow!”

Moscow, of course, eagerly swallowed this delusion and rushed into a war it had neither the resources, nor the money, nor the strength to win.

For 500 years, Russia—which never even built a proper fleet—never achieved any significant success in this endeavor.

One Moscow ruler after another tried to accomplish the Venetian plan, and none of them succeeded:

• Peter I—failed.
• Catherine II—almost succeeded, unlocking the gateway to Constantinople by conquering Crimea.
• Alexander I—couldn’t handle it.
• Nicholas I—got blown up in the Crimean War.
• Alexander II—watched bitterly as Western nations denied him control of the straits.
• Nicholas II—planned a grand parade through Constantinople for Russia’s 300th anniversary, but instead crashed the Empire into the concrete wall of revolution during World War I.

And you think Moscow gave up after that?
No!

• Lenin tried to win through friendship with Atatürk—but failed.
• Stalin attempted to blackmail Turkey in 1945—until the U.S. reminded him about nuclear weapons.

And now, finally—it has happened!

⚡ Constantinople has been taken!
⚡ Just like New York was taken!

Because, just like New York, Constantinople is actually a small village in Ukrainian Donbas.

But does it really matter?
For people who believe that Russia is the heir of Byzantium and that they can fight NATO on equal footing, even this great "victory" will do!

The Great Revenge has been accomplished!

Under Putin, the dream of every imperialist-schizophrenic has finally come true! 🎉
Russia has finally realized its imperial delusions—within the limits of its available budget, of course. 😆