4 March, 19:24
During a closed Kremlin meeting, Putin reacted furiously to Donald Trump's remarks, in which Trump referred to Zelensky as a dictator. According to Putin, this statement "credits the success of the special operation to a mere Ukrainian comedian."
"I'm sick of watching Donald steal my achievements! This is unethical and downright insulting! I am the dictator! And I started this war! What, did my soldiers commit the Bucha massacre for nothing? Did Russian occupiers level Mariupol to the ground in vain? And what about the deported children, the thousands of destroyed homes, the mined fields—are those also the accomplishments of a comedian from Kryvyi Rih?!" – fumed Putin, spitting in rage and banging his tiny pen against his oversized table.
According to Kremlin insiders, Putin has already ordered propagandists Solovyov and Simonyan to urgently prepare a series of reports exposing Zelensky as "a populist who stole the glory of a great geopolitical strategist." Additionally, Russian lawmakers in the Duma are now discussing a new bill that would ban "denying Putin's role in launching the war." The bill is reportedly set to be named "On Historical Justice and the Protection of Copyright for the Special Military Operation."
Meanwhile, Washington did not stay silent. The White House administration swiftly responded to Putin’s statement:
"We understand Mr. Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin's concerns, but we must remind him that in the civilized world, war crimes are still not considered a source of pride or subject to copyright disputes."
As for Trump, he has so far refrained from commenting.
However, rumors suggest that someone in his administration has already placed an order for a batch of T-shirts with the slogan "Make War Great Again!"
(For those whose eyes see only $ and Z: yes, this is humor!)