11 March, 09:42
The U.S. outsmarts the world again! Just yesterday, Trump—the greatest showman of politics—promised non-intervention, and today he’s personally leading Ukrainians into the desert, far away from financial rivers, cities fortified by international treaties, and even mirages of stability.
As a true prophet of our time, he provides nothing—no manna from heaven, just empty promises. Promises that things will get better, but not a single word on how exactly that’s supposed to happen.
This has led the global political community to suspect that Trump is not so much the Anti-Moses as he is a part-time Susanin hired by Russia. Why? Moses led the Jews through the desert for 40 years before finally bringing them to the “Promised Land,” whereas Susanin led his followers straight into a swamp—and did so within a single presidential term.
The “Trumpian peace” being offered to Ukraine has no clear outlines, but judging by the description, it looks nothing like a “Promised Land” and much more like a trap. Nevertheless, the world still expects something great from Trump—but nothing even remotely close to greatness is happening.
Ukraine is expected to “cease fire,” while Russia?—Nothing.
Meanwhile, Musk continues posting “profound” tweets that read like the diary entries of a teenage girl.
Ukraine, forced by circumstances, is learning to fight without U.S. assistance. And Europe is left to puzzle over an astonishing paradox: if NATO’s economy is twenty times bigger than Russia’s, but NATO has fewer munitions—what exactly are they doing wrong?
Deputy NATO Secretary General Thomas Goffus recently poured his heart out, lamenting that Russia produces ammunition three times faster, while NATO waits five to seven years for missile deliveries. This means that if war breaks out in Europe tomorrow, the necessary supplies will arrive just in time for the 2032 presidential election.
At the same time, the only entity truly baffling everyone is U.S. intelligence, which continues providing Ukraine with data while simultaneously insisting that it has almost stopped doing so. The Russians, being seasoned experts in deception, immediately recognize that someone is lying—they just can’t quite figure out where.
Musk, ever the consistent thinker, first claims that Ukraine would have lost without his Starlink, then assures everyone he will “never” cut it off, only to immediately add that he is fiercely against Kyiv’s policies, and finally concludes with the revelation that “the Russians can jam all communications anyway.”
Meanwhile, his business is suffering major setbacks: Tesla sales have plummeted by 71% in Germany and by 49% in China. The Chinese auto market is booming, Tesla is crashing, yet Musk remains fixated on Russian electronic warfare capabilities on the front lines.
And through it all, one key question remains unanswered: what will happen with Trump’s “peace”?
The answer is obvious—nothing.
In the third year of the war, Europe is finally beginning to prepare for a direct confrontation with Russia, while the Russians are stockpiling shells and tanks for their next offensive.
And yet, everyone still believes in Trump’s peace.